Holly Haner-Lo ~ The Nurtured Way

BY HOLLY HANER-LO

We have just entered week 20. It’s been a while since my last blog post, and here I am journeying through the ups and downs of pregnancy after miscarriage. It hasn’t been an easy 20 weeks, even though physically this has been a very healthy, problem free pregnancy.

The emotional ride of counting down the weeks, waiting for the feeling of impending doom to finally lift, has been the difficult part.

Part of this healing journey has involved us making decisions that before we would have had no problem making, but this time we found ourselves cautiously choosing differently. One of the big changes for me was my feelings and opinions of ultrasounds. With our first we had the “routine” dating ultrasound because there was much uncertainty over conception date, and again the 18 week anatomy scan. Now a few years wiser (?) and more experienced, I figured with the next baby we would only do the 18 week scan, if any at all.

So here we are, heading in tomorrow for our second ultrasound. Why?

My heart and soul needed that reassurance of a little life thriving inside me before we could pick up the heartbeat externally. Not just for me, but also my husband and 3 yr old son, who asked me every morning if our baby was still in my tummy and could we please keep this one. We needed reassurance.

So what is the big deal about ultrasounds anyways? As far as interventions go, the risks are mild compared to epidurals or induction. Yet, like those interventions, ultrasounds have their place.

I think we are birthing in an intervention-heavy society in North America, while our infant and maternal mortality rates are still frightening. (But that’s a topic for another day, I could talk forever about the misuse of interventions!) When are ultrasounds a safe and necessary precaution, and when do they cross the line into preference, convenience, and entertainment? Repeat, excessive use of ultrasounds in pregnancy is shown to cause hearing damage to the baby, heats the amniotic fluid and fetal tissue, and in essence is an invasion on baby. There are even studies showing possible links to autism and neurological issues.

So what is excessive?

According to the American Medical Association, “Unnecessary Exposure” includes the use of ultrasound to:

1. Confirm the sex of the baby.

2. Assess gestational age (how many weeks old the baby is).

3. Assess fetal size and growth.

4. Confirm multiple pregnancy.

5. Determine fetal presentation (the position of the baby in the womb)

Wow! How many times have we ourselves or someone we know had “routine” ultrasounds for just these reasons? If nothing else it should certainly cause us to stop and think about it, as well as do some research of our own.

One thing I teach in Nurtured’s childbirth educations classes to couples is to BRAND every decision and procedure that is presented to them in pregnancy and birth. BRAND stands for Benefits, Risks, Alternative (options), Nothing (do nothing) and Delay (the decision). The problem is, we have been so well trained to not question our prenatal care that procedures such as prenatal testing and ultrasounds pass by as normal, routine, and 100% safe. That’s not the truth. Now we see the new prenatal testing option for gender identification being offered as early as seven weeks gestation. Raise your hand if you’d like to be the guinea pig for this one…

With the arrival of 3D and 4D ultrasound businesses comes a whole new level of risk and dilemma. Using the BRAND model, if used simply “for fun”, the risks far outweigh the entertainment benefits (I cringe to even say that). Interestingly enough, the medical field is strictly limited, by the manufacturer, in its energy level for this type of ultrasound, as well as the duration of time it takes to perform the scan. (The FDA limit for obstetrical ultrasound is 94 mW/cm2.[7]) The risk of ultrasounds would depend on the duration (length of time for each scan), the intensity (of sound waves) and the frequency (how often). While I can see the benefit to parents with a baby needing life saving surgery while in utero, or to pinpoint a serious defect, I cannot feel good about paying a non-medical, independent company to scan my baby for up to 30 minutes simply so we can have a peek. I cringe further when I read their “packages and promotions” on websites, offering 20-30% off for your second, third, and repeat visits within your pregnancy.

The bottom line is, less is best when it comes to our bodies and our babies while growing another life.

What seem to be wonderful medical advancements can become an abuse of interventions. How can I say all of this and yet admit that tomorrow we will be having our second and final unltrasound? Because for our family, this was our “less”. Will I probably drive the technician crazy by asking them to keep the scan at under 15 minutes of at all possible? Maybe. But it’s our baby, not a dolphin in there. The frequency is extremely loud, it heats fluid and tissue, and I hope it can be over as quickly as possible.

Will we find out the gender? If, in that time frame it’s seen and noted, then yes. If not, that’s fine too. All that matters is that little heartbeat. After losing our last pregnancy, we need this extra view into the womb. I’m praying in the future our faith will be restored and we can say no thanks to routine.

To the babies we carried,
But never held

To the babies we held,
But didn’t bring home

To every baby and child
that touched our lives for a moment,
But held our hearts forever.

It has taken me a few months to actually write this. As I do, I find I have to reach back into my memory and heart to find the feelings and thoughts of that moment and this journey.

Naively, I never thought I would have to walk through the experience of losing a pregnancy personally. Instead, I grieved for anyone I supported professionally as a doula or childbirth educator who went though such a loss. In six years as a birth professional, I had encountered only a few heartbreaking situations of couples losing a baby though. Some were early into a pregnancy, and others were upon delivery.

It’s hard to say that I knew, but somehow even from as early as eight weeks into my second pregnancy, I had a nagging feeling something was “off”.

Of course I dismissed it over and over again, even getting angry with myself for such absurd thoughts. Every pregnancy is different, right? It can be normal to not have any nausea at all, right? You’re supposed to be really tired in the first trimester…And on and on.

By week nine in my first pregnancy with my son, we were able to find a heartbeat during a visit with the midwives. It was loud and clear. So I expected to be able to hear the baby’s heartbeat again at 10 weeks, even though my wonderful midwife reminded me that it would be completely normal not to hear anything yet. Still, when we found nothing, my heart sank all the way to my uterus I think. It seemed to confirm my worst fears.

A week later was my birthday, and while at a lovely family dinner at Blue Mountain I started spotting.

Again, could be completely ok, for some mothers-to-be, its entirely normal. I freaked out though. If you know me at all, you would know that I rarely show panic or distress. Inside, I was a mess.

Another visit to the midwives. They assured me again that it could be completely normal. They advised us to wait and watch for further symptoms. Cramping, back ache, excessive bleeding were the signs to watch for. A week later, at 12 weeks, I suddenly came down with strep throat, something I haven’t had since I was young. The pain was excruciating! What I couldn’t explain though was the incredible lower back pain I was experiencing as well. I was trying to not take any pain medications in hopes that baby would be ok. Finally, when I could hardly walk, I decided to take Tylenol. It helped my throat and fever, but didn’t touch the back pain.

Laid out on the couch in the living room, I prayed. I simply gave up my control and cried, and prayed that my body would just do whatever it was it needed to do. I let go. An hour later, the bleeding started.

I am so grateful to have had my mom and husband and our son there to go through the experience with me. My midwives were delivering babies but still calling me and talking me through the process. My husband cried with me and my adorable little man Zac entertained me with singing and dancing, in between lots of hugs and cuddles. The amazing thing for me was the absolute peace I felt when it was all said and done. We were overwhelmed with disappointment, but I also felt so relieved that my body had worked as nature intended it to. Too many times I have seen parents walk through the tragedy of carrying a baby to full-term, only to find they will not survive outside the womb.

***

I have been shocked in the days since this happened to share my story with close friends,  who then told me they had been through it, sometimes more than once. This seems to be a “suffer in silence” topic for both women and men who go through it.

My husband felt the loss deeply but didn’t quite know what to do with that feeling. I took a more practical outlook and went into ‘Move On’ mode. Still, I shared my loss with anyone who was interested in listening. After a season of so much loss in our family, I have learned that you have to talk. So many times I wanted to blurt it out to the lady at the drive through, or to the teller at the bank, “Someone I love has died! How can you just go on with your life like this? The world needs to stop and be still!”

I lost my dad (my best friend) two years ago, my grandpa this year, my dog, our baby, and then our pet hamster. That may seem trivial in itself, but after having to break the news of his baby going to heaven with papa and great-papa, Zac was in denial that Chewy had died as well. We kept his hamster even after he died in his cage in the basement, until Zac was ready to say goodbye. Thankfully, it didn’t take too long!

I’ve found many ways to blame myself for losing our baby. I shouldn’t have carried Zac around, I shouldn’t have taken the Tylenol, I shouldn’t have been so busy and stressed with work, I shouldn’t have shovelled five feet of snow to get into Nurtured Family centre after a snowstorm… But in the end, this wasn’t a pregnancy that was meant to continue, according to my body.

My midwives were incredible after our pregnancy loss as well. I was still in their care for six weeks postpartum, and they took such gentle care of me. They reminded me that it wasn’t my fault, that none of those activities will end a pregnancy. I am blessed in that I didn’t need a D&C afterwards. I am blessed that everything went back to normal by the end of the next month. I know with my next pregnancy, I will have some emotional healing still to walk through. But I’m ready for that journey. We’ve had our season of loss.

Above all else, I was blessed to be given the hope of trying again. As spring starts to come to life, it’s time for a season of new life for our family.

Let’s just say its going to be a busy time in our house over Christmas!!

Holly and Zac...and baby to be...

Baby #2 at 10 weeks

On the other hand, I am so excited to see this event coming together after years of dreaming about it. If you had told me even a year ago that we would have such an incredible group of (mostly) local businesses and entrepreneurial mamas involved in this event, I would never have believed it possible.

If you live in the Dufferin area, Orangeville to be specific, you may have started to notice a big increase in the number of “crafty” or small business shows around town. We are a diverse town that is seeing a boom in the small/ home business industry but like any fabulous resource, it can be tapped until exhausted. As a small business myself, I understand the temptation to run from one show to the next in an attempt to promote and bring in business. However, over the years I have learned that it’s all about quality, not quantity.

Our area is lucky to host some high quality vendor shows, and hopefully I can add Nurtured to the list. I have been overwhelmed by the response from vendors from all over the Dufferin area and as far away as London, Ontario, offering products and services geared specifically towards expectant and new parents. They are all intent on working together to make this an exciting and successful event, and it’s beautiful to see businesses come together for a common goal.

The $2 entry fee for the Nurtured Baby Show will be donated to the Toronto Sick Kids Hospital, a place that has touched many of our lives, and those in our community.

Each of the high quality businesses involved have such big hearts for our local and area charities, as many of them have been involved in other fundraising shows and events. They give out of their own pockets and their businesses when they donate draw prizes and gift bag items for shows and events. The Nurtured Boutique started as a space for these small businesses to display and sell their handmade products, and without these talented women, we wouldn’t exist.

It’s amazing to me that a year ago I didn’t know any of these women, mamas, and entrepreneurs. My life and the community is so much richer for having them be a part of it, and I am looking forward to watching them all grow and succeed. This year’s show has 50 vendors and services taking part, with a waiting list of more. Even if you aren’t in the category of expectant, new, or experienced parents, you need to come out and see what our community has to offer in these remarkable businesses. And of course support a great cause.
Now, back to my to-do list. I think I need to start page seven.

The Nurtured Baby Show & Expo is on April 16^th from 10-5 at the Monora Park Pavillion.

www.nurturedbabyshow.com

If this were a pregnancy, I would be at that anxious anticipation stage of the third trimester, where every twinge and odd feeling makes one pay close attention. The difference is, there is no guessing on the EDD (due date)…this baby is going to be born on the 25^th of September, ready or not!

As with many pregnancies, the first trimester of business was full of excitement, worry, planning, dreaming, and of course, risk. It was also a bit of a surprise! A space came available to us that was so perfect we had to take a chance and go for it, even though it was not quite the timing we were going for. It felt a bit like when I found out I was pregnant with our first child, after being told it would take some medical intervention to accomplish just that. Surprise! We were on our way. Growing a baby, however, requires very little in the way of sacrifice IF you were already living in such a way as to prepare for pregnancy. A business, on the other hand, requires your “all” from the start. After the excitement and dreaming and planning slows to a quiet murmur, you are left with the nausea. What have I gotten myself into?

I have always been taught that in all I do, to do my best. Through my pregnancy I took extra good care of myself, took my vitamins religiously, exercised, and prepared for the birth. As a childbirth educator, I had it all figured out. Right. After ignoring 3 hours of painless contractions coming every 2-3 minutes, convincing myself I had at least 12 more hours of this, driving by myself from Bolton to Orangeville, stopping for a sub sandwich (and trying to breath quietly through very intense contractions while eating), then driving yet again to Shelburne to pick up my bags. Thinking I would be able to make it back to Bolton for my planned homebirth with York Midwives at my sister’s house, I literally crawled into my kitchen to heat up a rice pack for my back, which I swore was in the process of breaking. Then the shower was looking like a good idea, until my water broke a few minutes later and spontaneous pushing began. Now on the phone with my midwife (who was on the phone with 911) she coached me on how to deliver my son by myself. This was not the plan!

To find "Nurtured", just look for the yellow door in the tiny alley just east of Orangeville's town hall.

Needless to say, it has been a bit like that with the birth of Nurtured except for one big difference: I am not alone this time. My amazing husband, Gabriel, has been my biggest support and financier, business coach (whether I like it or not!) and promoter. He missed his son’s birth but he is here for me every step of the way in this. I also have the most incredible team of doulas as business partners, both literally and metaphorically speaking. They are sacrificing family time, money, and reputation to be a part of this dream and see it wriggle into the light of day, our new baby business. Just like new parents we are dreaming and worrying, planning and hoping for big things in the days to come.

How did it all begin? Well, it all started with the birth of my niece, my first ever birth experience, which inspired me to become a doula. It then expanded to childbirth educator certification and group prenatal classes. The new mom and baby groups came after that and have been going steady ever since. Now you can find us doing prenatal yoga, mom and baby yoga, holistic health workshops, organic baby food workshops, Café au Lait breastfeeding drop-ins, Twoonie drop-in playtimes, and so much more! It has become a blended family as well, with Pottery Parties in the Hills, Tunes 4 Tots, Gigi Photography, and all the amazing local businesses who contribute to our space and Boutique.  After 6 years of being “pregnant” with this dream, a very quick labour, Nurtured, A Better Birth Family Centre is about to be born at last!

To register or for more info info@nurtureabetterbirth.com or 647-234-4655

Part 2 – Introducing Solid Foods

The introduction of solids has almost as many fables and foibles as does the vaccination debate, however the good news is that first foods can be easily and clearly explained and taught. The hardest part is getting the right info out to new parents. Sadly, many parents are unwilling to educate themselves beyond what their doctor or mother-in-law tells them. I believe that we need to do our own research when it comes to the health and care of our precious babies.

Before I start to sound too much like Chef Jamie when he gets going, here is the simplified, clarified, up-to-date information on introducing solids to baby in their first year. Keep in mind, I teach organic homemade baby food is best.

When is baby ready for solids?

-baby displays chewing motions

-baby shows an increased interest in your foods and watching you eat

-baby can sit upright with support and holds head up completely on their own

-when your parenting instincts tell you they are ready!

Usually these signs are not present until six months of age.

Food Introduction

If you have any concerns about food reactions or allergies, it is best to first test a new food on baby’s cheek, wait 10-15 minutes. If no skin reaction, apply to their lips. If no reaction, then you can proceed with caution and have your baby try eating it. A reaction would be red cheeks, spotty rash around chin and mouth, irritability, or any other skin change.

Introduce first foods in the mornings to give time to detect any reactions should there be any. Wait four days before starting another new food. For example, try pears for four days, then try squash for four days, and so on, until all foods have been tried. Once you are certain of two foods they can be combined. (Pears and avocado are very yummy for instance!)

Some other notes on introducing solid foods

-Delay grains, cereals, and legumes until nine months

-try veggies that are high in nitrates AFTER all other foods have been tried (carrots, spinach, beets, collards)

-Avocado is a great first food as it is high in essential vitamins, mineral, and fats. Its creamy texture is easy for babies to enjoy scooped right out of the skin, no cooking needed.

-Start with either or both veggies and fruits. There is little supporting evidence that starting with fruits will cause a baby to refuse the blander veggies. You can go back and forth between the two and then mix them for some yummy combinations (apple and sweet potato)

-Start modeling good eating and a willingness to try all foods you introduce to baby. There is no reason you have to buy strained commercial baby foods. Simply mash up what you are eating (assuming it is healthy) and away you go!

-Use a coffee grinder to make your own organic whole grain cereals. Much cheaper, healthier, and so easy

-Make yourself aware of foods to avoid in baby’s first year. If you have a family history of serious food allergies, proceed with caution and wait until well after the first year with those foods.

Foods to avoid until after 1 year of age:

-Egg whites

-Dairy products. The protein in cow milk and cheeses is difficult to break down in baby’s digestive system. Whole goats milk is a good alternative, its proteins are much smaller and more easily absorbed. It is also the closest thing to human milk

-Wheat and foods containing wheat flour

-Honey

-Shellfish

-Peanut butter/ tree nuts. However, there is no clear research saying that waiting until the age of 1 is helpful in avoiding a nut allergy. Use discretion and get the advice of a holistic nutritionist if you have nut allergies

-citrus and strawberries have a high rate of skin reactions, it is best to wait until all other foods are tested.

Holly Haner-Lo is an ECE, Doula, CBE, and owner of A Better Birth in Orangeville, Ontario. She currently teaches prenatal education and baby food workshops in the Dufferin, Caledon, & Peel regions www.abetterbirth.ca

We may proudly point our finger across the border at their childhood obesity and alarming rates of childhood diseases, or shake our heads in disbelief at our English counterparts eating habits. As the childhood taunt rings in my head “ there is one finger pointing at me but there are four more pointing back at you!” I have to take a hard look at what is going on right here on our home front.

A direct quote from www.childhoodobesityfoundation.ca states “Childhood overweight and obesity rates are rising in Canada. Obesity rates in children have almost tripled in the last 25 years. Approximately 26 per cent of Canadian children ages 2-17 years old are currently overweight or obese.”

Statistics Canada also shows that over the past decade, our young children are getting the majority of their calorie intake from grains first and “Alternative Foods” as the second highest. “Alternative Foods” is the snack category. Any wonder we have also seen a rise in learning and behavior disorders, ADHD, allergies, and obesity?

There has also been a steady increase in the purchasing of jarred and prepared baby foods, formula, and snacks marketed to babies and toddlers. Formula, called Bottled Baby Food by Statistics Canada, accounts for about 56 per cent of all baby foods purchased. Yet the statistic for mothers who genuinely are not able to breastfeed is less than half of that.

So how do we fix this?

I believe some of it starts at the bedside of every new mother who is routinely asked the question “Do you plan to bottle feed or breastfeed?” In those tender first moments of a baby’s life, parents are expected to make a life changing decision that will affect their baby’s health and moms health long term. It is proven that breastfed babies have less risk of obesity, allergies, asthma, visual and cognitive developmental issues, and eczema. (The huge health benefits for moms could be a whole other article.)

I have started my own quest to educate expectant parents on the benefits of breastfeeding by adding it to our prenatal education curriculum, as well as offering one-on-one support in the weeks following birth. In my own limited experience I can honestly say that mothers who have a healthy positive attitude towards breastfeeding, tend to make better, healthier choices when it comes to foods for their growing baby.

But what happens next? We know that Health Canada and the WHO (World Health Organization) recommends exclusive breastfeeding for at least 6 months, and extended breastfeeding to a minimum of 2 years. It is that fuzzy grey area between 4-6 months that has many parents confused, concerned, or simply feeling pressured by the “advice” of every well meaning person in their life. Mothers who breastfeed have been told that at 6 months they no longer produce enough iron in their milk, and yet research shows that babies exclusively breastfed to 10 months have shown no iron deficiencies. Formula fed babies however, should start getting more wholesome calories around 6 months. Once good eating is established there is no reason they need to continue on formula and can transition onto whole goats’ milk instead.

There is also the old standby that you must start your baby on a commercial infant cereal, usually rice or barley. With all that we now know about wheat and gluten allergies, asthma, and eczema, and the high percentages of babies with these conditions, I feel it is no wonder that we are seeing links to introducing grains too early. I have learned, among

Coming next, Introducing solid foods

other things, that a baby doesn’t have a developed pancreatic amylase until 9 months, which is needed for starch digestion. With all the pricey marketing geared to new parents, it is very difficult to weed out a push for profit and good honest information.

As a mom myself, I have adopted the rule that I ask why of everything I am told I should do concerning my child. Might get annoying for my family doctor and others, but I sure sleep better at night, and I have a very healthy, happy child.

(coming next…Part 2 – Introducing Solids)

Holly Haner-Lo is an ECE, Doula, CBE, and the owner of A Better Birth. She currently teaches prenatal education and baby food workshops in the Dufferin, Caledon, & Peel regions.

Rewind 30 years and you would most likely find me following my dad around outside at our home on Vermillion river picking up sticks while he cut the grass, or riding on his back in an orange Kelty backpack while he led his class of 7^th graders on a field trip. He was one of those dads who could keep a close watch on his two daughters while still giving us room to fly. I knew he was always there, even if I couldn’t always see him.

Holly with her dad - "He let me do everything!" she says.

Like the time in kindergarten when I blacked out from hanging upside down on our indoor monkey bars too long. Lying on the floor waiting for my eyes to clear from the blackness, crying a bit because I thought I was going to be blind forever, I heard dad’s voice in the hallway and I knew it would be ok. He carried me to his classroom and when my eyes cleared he sat me behind his desk, gave me my cheese and lettuce sandwhich, some pencil crayons and paper, and went back to his teaching. (It was one of my favourite spots to sit and color, where I could listen to him teach and feel special because I was his and I got to sit in his chair!)

My dad was the dad who could coach any sport, from track and field to basketball to figure skating. He was the guy who would camp outside with us in our little tent, 10 feet away from our cozy cottage at the lake, just because we wanted to go ‘Real Camping’. He suffered many fish hooks stuck in his hands (I think we almost hooked his ear a few times) when we couldn’t hold our rod still while he took off the fish for us. And put the worm on for us. And untangled the line for us.

When our family made a big transition so dad could follow a calling to be a minister, he showed us how strong a humble man of faith could be. I learned not to worry about tomorrow, even though sometimes he might not have known how the bills were going to be paid. Miracles always happened.

He taught me how to check the oil in my car and how to change a flat. Not that he ever set about to teach, he simply let me ask questions and hang around him while he worked, at home or at church. His office became my office, where I would sit and study while he wrote. I knew I could always call him at the office in the mornings and he’d take time to chat with me, even if I was just at home.

Once, as a friend and I were heading to the cottage for a girls weekend, my dad loaded an extra bag into the car. When I asked him what it was he said it was an emergency kit, a map, and a calling card. I rolled my eyes, said we would be fine, and kissed him goodbye. As we drove away my friend said she wished her dad cared enough to worry about her and that I should be glad mine took extra care. I’ve never forgotten that.

When I was really small I used to say I would marry my dad when I grew up.

He would tell me no, that mommy was his girlfriend first and he married her. But I didn’t care, he was the only man for me at that age. He patiently and carefully guided me thru heartbreak as I journeyed through dating. He reminded me that I was irreplaceable and so special, which in turn kept me from more serious heartbreak.

***

It seems to me that dads get overlooked when it comes to parenting and the parent-child relationship. Much of the information is geared more towards mothers, with magazines, classes, marketing and so on. I would love to see dads have some dad-focused outlets. There is such an important and amazing bond that dads provide which cannot be duplicated. I wouldn’t be who I am today without having had the world’s greatest dad. He taught me respect, sharing, fair play, team work, generosity, caring for those in need, acceptance, unconditional love, forgiveness, discipline, friendship, faith.

Dads, you are vital to your child and your role is in no way lesser than moms. I like to tell expectant dads who think they have to give their baby a bottle in order to bond with baby, that in the early weeks moms job is to feed baby and that’s it. Dad gets to change, bath, snuggle, and play with baby! Studies have shown that the interactive play that a dad engages in with his baby promotes necessary brain development and encourages motor skills. Too many times dads find themselves ill-equipped to know how to interact and engage their child, and end up relying on the electronic babysitters (TV, video games) to help them out. The only time I remember sitting and watching tv with my dad was to see Hockey Night in Canada. My earliest memory, around 2 yrs old,  is of cross country skiing with him, riding in the backpack on his back. He included us in his life, as simple as some things might have been like gardening or washing the car, he found ways to make us feel special.

On Father’s day when we were older, my dad would buy us a little gift, to say thank you for being his kids.

I challenge dads to be wrapped up in their kids and make them a part of you. The role of father is a gift, not just reserved for father’s day.

***

Fast forward (we went back 30 yrs remember?) to last June, the week before father’s day.  You’d find my mom, my

Holly with her dad on her wedding day. "Slow down," he kept telling her. "We only get to do this once."

sister, and me along with my husband and 1 yr old son, standing in Sears looking at ties and dress shirts for dad, as we have for so many years. Big signs are hung all over from the ceiling saying “Remember dad!” which I found so ironic at that moment. Mom chose a nice shirt and tie that would look good with dad’s best suit, and I did “Remember Dad”…in his suit at my wedding, at my son’s dedication, countless Sundays in his suit while he preached.  It helped to remember. It made the raw feeling that shock brings seem a little more bearable. A few days later, hundreds of people who had been blessed by dad’s life joined us in remembering, as we said goodbye, to the world’s greatest dad. My hero.

May 27^th was the day my dad suddenly left us for his heavenly family. Its hard to comprehend how we went thru a day without him, let alone a whole year. He will miss seeing Zachariah play hockey and he wont get to meet the rest of my babies. Zac blew out some candles for Papa on his birthday and waved to him in the night sky. I won’t get to run my first 5km with my dad, or ask his advice on parenting questions. But what I can do is remember. All the ways he input into my life and how I can share that now with my kids. The adventures, the learning, the incredible patience he had. I can do that, if I just remember.

Thank you dad, for being your best with us.