It takes a village
June 16, 2010
You know the expression “it takes a village to raise a family?” Well, just as we were starting on the journey to raise a family, we went and left the village…
BY JENNIFER JANSEN
In March of 2005 we bought our home in the hills. After what felt like an agonizingly long closing period, we packed our boxes and headed for those hills. One minute we were living in Toronto’s Parkdale. The next one we were living in the hills of Melancthon.
We were, for the most part, alone. We didn’t have family here, or friends that were close by. Aside from our Realtor, we knew no one.
You know the expression “it takes a village to raise a family?” Well, just as we were starting on the journey to raise a family, we went and left the village.
We came from such a huge tribe in the city, a warm and all encompassing community of artists, where everyone knew
everyone. In the absence of siblings and parents who lived in other cities (as they usually did,) we were each other’s family. We laughed together, celebrated together, and took care of each other. We were broke, but we all were in the same boat so it didn’t matter. Life was simple, and life was good.
But things change and time passes. People started to get homes and mortgages and families. Some people, like us, moved away. And for a while, life gets a little more complicated.
Bills to pay, schedules to keep, babies, diapers, strollers, blown alternators, busted computers, laundry, summer camp, groceries, stuff. (Oh, the stuff we amassed! And frankly, mostly still have. Most of it we never use, it’s in our basement storage. It’s slowly going away…) And, since we were somewhere new, where we knew very few people, we were juggling it all on our own. Our closest allies, Grandma and Grandpa, were an hour away.
Boy, did we miss our little village!
Although it would have been easier if all our future friends had popped by to introduce themselves when we arrived here years ago and just made themselves known, the joy has been in the journey of finding them!
From all the people that I’ve met since we’ve moved here, many people share the same sentiment when it comes to their journey here: it’s hard to meet new people.
This county is huge. People are spread out here, even in the towns and villages. Meeting people takes effort – you have to seek them out. It may take some trial and error to find the right people that you click with, but they ARE out there!
In this journey to simplify our lives we’ve begun figuring out what is important to us, which has naturally led us to like minded people and families.
We’ve been at on our little acreage “On the Roof” coming up 5 years this year. I finally feel that we’re starting to grow our village again. From friends that I’ve met through various Mom’s organizations, and now to our kid’s friend’s parents, to the folks in the theatre community that we are still a part of, to Freecycling networks, and even through this magazine, we’re finding the people we belong with.
Parenting isn’t easy. Neither is being in unfamiliar surroundings. Decide however, to seek out your village, your community. You start building a good neighbourhood when you yourself decide to become a good neighbour. Eventually you will find yourself surrounded by people who have similar lifestyles, similar beliefs and values, and who have something wonderful to offer. Your lives, and the lives of your family will become that much richer for it.
This speaks to me, Jen. I’ve lived in Mono with my husband for 10 years, after spending my first twenty-some in Saint John, New Brunswick. Nevermind the adjustment for a salt-water soul who is now land-locked, it was very difficult to decide to start a family so far away from the one that raised me. I applaud your bravery in starting your family without a single friend or family member in your local calling area! I at least had my in-laws move to Shelburne and Orangeville to help.
When we had our children I felt terribly isolated. With twins I didn’t feel like I had the opportunity, timing or energy to join mom’s clubs or any regularly scheduled meeting that might be too close to a mealtime, naptime or bedtime. I kind of became cloistered, which is easy to do when you can’t see your closest neighbour (who, by the way, I’ve seen about 5 times in the 5 years since they moved in). You hit the nail on the head when you said that you really need to make an effort to meet like-minded people and activities when you live a rural life, to essentially create a community that you identify with. It’s truly a soul-searching exercise. (I wish we had kidsinthehills.ca four years ago!)
Only this year have I started to feel like a member of a community, rather than a long-term visitor. Living where I do, it’s been a challenge just to identify my geographic “village”. Is it Primrose/Violet Hill/Mono/Dufferin/Shelburne/Alliston/Orangeville? The happy realization is, it can be “all of the above”!
You have to spread your arms wide to bump into people around here, and search out those with whom you “click”. But when it happens, it HAPPENS, and the embrace is all the warmer!
Thanks for your post.
Jen Payne on June 17, 2010 at 2:59 pm |
Hey Jen! You know, I live in a huge suburb of an even larger city, and even here it is hard to find where you fit and the people you fit with. I am not very good at opening my life and taking risks in finding new people. I know I need to….its time to start building our village! Thanks for writing!
Ginger on June 18, 2010 at 8:30 pm |
I didn’t realize you were also a fellow thespian! Part of discovering new friends is connecting through one interest and then finding out you have much more in common. I firmly believe that it does take a village to raise a child, a concept that I think suffers in our age of over-protectiveness of our children and the (often justified) heightened sense of fear we experience as parents. We are afraid to let our kids be with other groups of people, and other adults especially, without hovering over them. I came to this realization the other day while shopping at a local farm. A woman I would call an acquaintance, who has a daughter around my kids’ age, asked if she could take my boys up to see the chickens so I could shop in peace. My instinct was “no, that’s okay, I can watch them, I don’t want them that far out of sight, I don’t know you as well as I should…” Then I realized that this was a safe environment, I have spoken with her lots around town, and the boys could learn a lot from this, both from the chickens and from someone else talking about them.
As soon as I said “yes,” I was awash in that feeling of community. My boys need exposure to that kind of experience, and I need to help them learn and grow among all kinds of people, not just at their mama’s side.
Terri-Ann on June 22, 2010 at 8:17 am |